Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
