Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's blow job season.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
