and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
