Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
