Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
