I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
