maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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