He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
