wakey wakey hands off snakey
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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