I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
