gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
