How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
