According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
