I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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