yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
