so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
