she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you had me at cake vodka
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
