You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
