I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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