whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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