I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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