The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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