it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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