I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
