wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
