On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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