glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
