you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
