I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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