Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
