Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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