I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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