It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
