I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
