One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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