I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
being pregnant is like rehab
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
