i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
