My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
