So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
