she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
