Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
