I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
