I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
