He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
