Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
