If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fuck appropriateness.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Randomize
