my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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