Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
