we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
