Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
