Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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