the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
