think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
