I wanna bring you to show and tell
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
