we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
